Raise your hand if you have at any point felt bad about saying ‘no’ to someone.

Now, I can’t actually see if your hand is raised, but I can pretty much assume that all of you have it waving high in the sky. Because, as I know all too well, sometimes it is just so freakin’ hard to say no. We feel bad about it. We feel negative. We feel like people will judge us, call us assholes, jerks, uncooperative, all of the above.

But hey – I’m not judging. God, no. I was the WORST when it came to uttering that small, two-letter word. I was that person that would go to the cash register with an item, find out it’s extortionately priced and STILL buy it because I felt bad about saying “Um what? No thanks.” If an acquaintance asked for help with a project, I’d be all, “Yeah, I can totally help you out with that,” even though I was already one hour away from pulling an all-nighter.

I’m getting better, though. Much better. The older I get and the longer I work for myself, the more comfortable I am saying ‘no’ to things. Weekly events, coffee catch-ups, bridal showers – sometimes the things that are asked of us take up a lot of time, money and effort. And even though last year was my Year of Yes, I’ve also discovered there are times in both life and work when it’s totally okay to say no and not feel guilty about it.

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1 When someone asks you to share a contact.

This is for all the freelancers, bloggers, PR peeps and entrepreneurs out there – it’s okay to be protective of your contacts. Hell, you’ve worked hard for them and they’re worth their weight in gold. So it’s okay to say ‘no’ if a fellow blogger asks you for a PR contact or if a designer friend asks for a client’s contact – if that contact is a source of income for you, sharing it can result in jobs being given to someone else instead. But also, your name becomes attached to the person that asked, and sharing contacts could give the impression that you vouch for them and their skills/work ethic. It’s okay to just politely decline and say that you don’t feel comfortable sharing other peoples’ contact info without their permission.

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2 When a friend asks to borrow money.

Money is sticky business when it comes to friends, especially if it’s a big chunk of change. This one obviously can differ depending on your relationship, the situation at hand or how much money you have lying around, but even if you are flush with cash, that’s YOUR choice. Don’t ever feel pressured to lend someone money just because you have it. Because if you see that friend going out for dinner or getting a mani before they’ve paid you back, you’re gonna be salty AF.

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3 When someone asks you to work for product.

This has come up a lot recently in my line of work, and it never gets less frustrating. Whilst I will at times trade content for amazing experiences (travel, VIP events, etc), it is absolutely not okay for a brand to expect you to create content for them and pay you in product. If someone comes to you and says, “Hi, I found you through Instagram and love your photography style – we’d love for you to shoot our new campaign and we’ll give you $500 worth of product,” you can just crack those knuckles and get to hitting the keyboard with a big ol’ NO THANK YOU. That same person would never go into a retailer or doctor’s office and try to pay with product for a service, so why is your time and skill any less valuable? It’s not.

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4 When the cashier asks you to donate to charity.

No one wants to be that person that says ‘no’ to donating money to a children’s hospital or veteran’s charity – you can basically hear everyone around you whispering: ‘HEARTLESS’. But shit adds up when you slide a buck or two every time you’re at the grocery store or a cool $20 every time a friend asks you to help them fundraise for a marathon. I’m a big advocate of giving back and supporting charity, but I also usually do that in big chunks to select causes – don’t feel like you need to give $2 to the Red Cross every single time you pick up food for dinner just because you’re scared of someone judging you if you don’t.

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5 When someone asks for a coffee date to ‘pick your brain’.

Say it with me now: ‘Time + knowledge = money’. I get a lot of e-mails asking to meet for coffee for branding advice or tips on how I got to where I am in my career. At first, I used to say yes every single time. But then I realized that these meetings not only took up hours of my day, but that my 10 years of experience and advice are worth more than a cup of coffee. Instead of sending back a flat-out ‘no’, I now offer my time and advice for an hourly fee, during which time the blogger or small business owner can ask me anything they want.

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6 When you’re asked to attend a work function after hours.

Sure there are industries where you’re expected to work outside of the daytime grind (PR, media, etc.). But if you regularly work 9-to-5 and your salary is based on those hours, that’s all the time you’ve gotta give, girl. It’s more than necessary to have a life outside of work and if you have other plans, whether it be a friend’s birthday or doctor’s appointment, you shouldn’t feel bad for saying ‘no’ to after-work drinks with the boss or attending a partner’s gala event.

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7 When a friend invites you to their destination wedding.

I struggle with this so much because I am not a massive fan of destination weddings and the obligation put on people to attend. First of all, someone is asking you to spend your precious vacation time at a destination and hotel chosen by them with their family and friends. Secondly, you have to PAY for it. So no one should ever make you feel guilty for saying no to their ‘special day’ in Bermuda. You’ve got your own life going on, and that includes bills and rent and saving cash. Unless it’s my sister or my very best friend, chances of me coming to your destination wedding are slim to none unless you’re known for throwing one helluva party.

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8 When someone asks you to be a reference.

Have you ever run into this situation? Basically when a friend (or acquaintance) asks you to refer them for a job where you have an ‘in’…. even if you’ve never worked with this person before or personally don’t think their skills are up to snuff. You’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. But it’s the same as sharing contacts – when you put your name to something, you attach your knowledge and opinion to that recommendation. So if it doesn’t work out or that person turns out to be batshit crazy, it reflects poorly on your judgment. Just say no, kids.

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9 Whenever you gaddamn want.

Because at the end of the day, we shouldn’t be afraid to say ‘hell no’ to anything that’s not in our best interest. There are ways to say no graciously, respectfully and professionally, and no one should ever make you feel guilty for sticking to your guns and looking out for #1.

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What do you have a hard time saying ‘no’ to?
Let me know in the comments below!